10 Recipes for 10 Valentines

It is fairly unhip to like Valentines Day, and to justify my enthusiasm, I offer the following ramble:

My old friend Casey is young, bright-eyed, and wide open. I adored her and still do. She once remarked that she wanted to prepare a candle lit dinner for someone (Mr. or Mrs. X, I can’t recall, now) She wanted to cook them a delicious meal and eat it by candlelight. Maybe she would play nice music, too. Alas, she regretted, she was not “romantically” interested in this person, and she did not want to give them the wrong idea; despite the fact she felt person X would benefit from a poetic experience such as good food by firelight, she could not deliver. She did not want them to feel “weird” or worse, suddenly interested in something more.

Casey’s desire to give romance to someone who was not her lover, potential lover, or even x lover rekindled my interest in what is often referred to as kitschy (or, in some circles, cliché) romance.

The adjective “Romantic” wears many coats. Most people understand the word as amorous; only possible between nauseating and trite lovers. Music is often involved as are stars and wine. Maybe a long spaghetti noodle caught between two endearing noses.

As an English major, I am rather comfortable with the word “Romantic’s” other uses. There is of course the Romantic movement, which was rather big in the late eighteenth century. This form of Romanticism elevated all intense emotions including not just passion and awe but terror and the sublime. Another use of the word “Romantic” is for those out of touch with reality in a quixotic way: an example, I used to have a romantic disregard for money before I had a baby (Partially taken from Webster’s Dictionary). The Romantic can indicate anything “fanciful, marvelous, extravagant, unreal”.

When viewed from this lens, romance is anything but boring.

So without further ado, I offer you a celebration of the romantic as consummated by food. Whether your romantic experience be savored with your pal up the street or that special lady friend you’ve had your eye on, hopefully you will find some recipe below to suit the occasion.

1. For the Playful Valentine

Marshmallows!

Maybe your one of those people who shudder at the thought of adding food coloring to your food, but I think these little marshmallows would be pretty neat colored pink and red; or you could just add some candy topping, or decorator’s sugar. Either way, the marshmallow’s squishy, soft, sweetness is just too darlin’ to not want to give everyone in the room a hug.

I made these marshmallows this past Christmas and they were a hit. Make sure not to refridgerate them and be careful to not scimp on the confectioner sugar–without it, these soft squares would be too sticky to eat.

{From The Joy of Baking}

Ingredients

• 1 Cup cold water, divided
• 3    1/4 oz packets of unflavored gelatin
• 2 cups white sugar
• 1 cup light corn syrup
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

Lightly butter 13X9 baking pan. Line the bottom of the pan with parchment paper and then sift around 3 Tablespoons confectioner sugar onto the paper (this helps get the marshmallow out).

Pour 1/2 cup cold water into bowl and sprinkle gelatin over water. Let stand 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, in a heavy sauce pan, place sugar, corn syrup, salt and remaining 1/2 cup cold water. Stir over MEDIUM heat until sugar dissolves and mixture comes to a boil. Cover and boil another three minutes (this is to get sugar crystals off the sides of the pot). Remove cover and place a thermometer into pot. Careful the thermometer does not touch the sides–this will affect the temperature reading. I do not have a candy thermometer so I used a regular meat thermometer. Anything will work as long as it goes as high as you need it (in this case 240 degrees F).

Go ahead and turn the heat to HIGH and let boil until the mixture reaches previously mentioned 240 degrees. Do not stir. Don’t worry, it will not burn. This part will take around ten minutes. (It feels like forever, though, so try to relax) Remove from heat.

This takes a little dexterity or creativity, but you need to slowly pour the now hot mixture over the gelatin water WHILE using an egg beater (or something more fancy) to mix on low. I can’t remember how I pulled this off. I may have just poured a little mixed a little or wedged the bowl against my stomach and poured. I’m sure you’ll come up with your own solution.

Gradually increase the mixer to high and beat it silly, until its three times its original size. (This also takes about ten minutes) Add the vanilla extract and beat to combine (about thirty seconds more)

Spread the mixture into your buttered pan as best you can with a spatula. Dust the top of the gelatinous snacks with another 3  Tablespoons of confectionary sugar and allow to rest for twelve hours at room temperature.

When the time finally comes to enjoy your tasty (and whimsically romantic) snack, run a knife around the edges of the pan to release the marshmallows. Flip the pan upside down over a cutting board dusted with confectionary sugar. Peel that parchment paper off, and then with a pizza cutter or knife, cut those babies out! Be sure to dust everything–and I mean everything–with that confectionary sugar. Dust every cut edge, dust the tops and bottoms. Yum Yum Yum. (The mess and sticky, licky fingers are half the fun.)

2. For the Keep It Simple Valentine

Fresh bread, fresh cheese, wine, and fruit

I am ashamed to say that I have yet to try my hand at baking fresh bread. I do hear it’s wildly fulfilling and I imagine much more exciting than cutting through the plastic that wraps the bread you bought at the store. However, since I haven’t explored any recipes for homemade bread, I can only say, google it. OK, maybe this isn’t exactly a recipe, it is an idea for a recipe, but I feel like that should count for something. Above all, even if you don’t make your bread yourself, don’t forget the fruit. The fruit is the most romantic of all food types! Palm a pomegranate, nibble the skin from a fig and tell me you don’t agree.

3. The friendly Valentine

Herbed Cheese Pizza

I love pizza any way I can get it, but there is something especially fun and tasty about the homemade pizza. These pizzas, in particular, are special. The rich (and somewhat expensive) Greek cheese makes you savor each bite just that much more.

(From Cooking Light Magazine)

Dough

• 2 Cups Bread Flour
• 2 Cups warm water, divided
• 1 teaspoon sugar
• 2 packages dry yeast
• 3 1/4 cup all-purpose flour, divided
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons olive oil
• Cooking spray (or Olive Oil in a spray bottle)

Topping

• 2 teaspoons dried oregano
• 2 teaspoons ground cumin
• 1 teaspoon hot paprika
• 3/4 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper, divided
• 1 teaspoon olive oil
• 1 cup finely chopped onion
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 5 garlic cloves
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 (28 oz.) can diced tomatoes
• 10 oz. sliced kasseri cheese
• 3 tablespoons minced fresh parsley

1. To prepare dough, weight or lightly spoon bread flour into dry  measuring cups; level with a knife. Combine 1 cup bread flour, 1 cup warm water, sugar, and yeast in a bowl; let stand for 15 minutes.

2. LIghtly spoon all-purpose flour into dry measuring cups; level with knife. Combine about three cups all-purpose flour, remaining 1 cup bread flour and 1 teaspoon salt in a large bowl; make a well in center. Add yeast mixture, remaining 1 cup warm water, and 2 teaspoons oil to flour mixture; stir well. Turn dough out onto a floured surface. Knead until smooth and elastic (about ten minutes); add enough of remaining flour, 1 tablespoon at a time, to prevent dough from sticking to hands.

3. Place dough in a large bowl coated with cooking spray, turning to coat top. Cover and let rise in a warm place (85degreesF) free from drafts for 45 minutes or until doubled in sice. Punch dough down; divide dough into 8 equal portions. cover and let rest 20 minutes.

4. To prepare topping, combine oregano, cumin, paprika, and 1/2 teaspoon black pepper. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add 1 teaspoon olive oil to pan. Add onion; saute 3 minutes. Add 1/2 teaspoon salt, remaining 1/4 teaspoon black pepper, garlic, bay leaf and tomatoes; bring to a boil. Reduce heat, and simmer for 15 minutes or until thick. Remove form heat; discard bay leaf.

5. Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

6. Working with 1 dough portion at a time (cover remaining dough to keep from drying) roll each portion into a six-inch circle on a lightly floured surface; place circle on a baking sheet coated with cooking spray. Repeat procedure with remaining dough portions. Top each crust with tomato mixture, cheese and oregano mixture. Bake at 450 degrees for twelve minutes or until crusts are lightly browned. Sprinkle evenly with parsley.

4. For the Flirtatious Valentine

Sushi Night

I think Sushi is utterly flirtatious, with its bite-sized portions and various dips and toppings. In fact, there is a Japanese practice  (which has spread to restaurants all over Europe and the U.S.) called Nyotaimori which involves  serving sushi or sashimi from the body of a live and typically naked woman. A little more flirtatious than simply feeding one another with chopsticks, but hey, it’s your valentines day, do with it what you will.

Sushi Rice

• 1 1/2 cups sushi rice
• 1 1/2 cups water (plus extra for rinsing)
• 3 Tablespoons Rice Vinegar
• 2 Tablespoons Sugar
• 1/2 Teaspoon Salt

1. Rinse rice.

2. Place rice and 2 cups water in saucepan. Bring to boil over medium high heat. Once boiling, cover, reduce heat and cook for fifteen minutes. Remove from heat and let sit, still covered for another 10 minutes.

3. Combine rice vinegar, sugar, and salt in sauce pan. Cook over medium low heat until sugar dissolves.

4. Place rice in bowl and allow to cool; drizzle with vinegar mixture and gently fold in.

Place rice on sheet of nori (leaving room at top for sealing purposes) add favorite sushi fillings (I love cream cheese in my sushi. And roasted red peppers. And grilled Portobello mushrooms….) and roll from the bottom up. This part can be tricky, but imagine you were rolling a…er…cigar. Hang in there, it’s okay if you tear one or two (or three or four) you’ll get the hang of it. Seal with water. Slice and enjoy (any way you want).

5. The Serious Valentine

Cheesecake.

Cheesecake is no joke. It is a very serious heavy weight when it comes to deserts. In fact, if someone had made me a cheese cake before we’d been dating for at least six months, it would probably freak me out a little bit.

From Junior’s Cheesecake Cookbook

Strawberry Swirl Cheesecake with Shortbread Crust

Crust

• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 Tablespoon cornstarch
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 2 extra large egg yolks
• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and generously butter the bottom and sides of a 9 inch springform pan. Wrap the outside with aluminum foil, covering the bottom and extending all the way up the sides. Mix the four, cornstarch and salt together.

2. In a medium-size bowl, beat the butter and sugar together with an electric mixer on high until creamy. Add the egg yolks and vanilla and beat until blended. Reduce the speed to low and mix in the flour mixture just until it disappears and a dough forms. Work the dough with your hands until comes together in a ball. Chill about 30 minutes if you have the time.

3. Flour your hands, then place the dough in the center of the pan and begin pressing with the heels of your hands form the center outward toward the edges, working in a circular motion around the pan and up the sides. Keep pressing until the crust is flat on the bottom and stand up about 1 1/2 inches on the sides. Pinch the edge between your two index fingers to give a fluted effect. Prick the crust in several places with a dinner fork (this lets the curst bake more evenly without rising up from the pan).

4. Bake the  crust just until it’s set and golden (do not overbake!), about 15 minutes. Leave the crust in the pan and place on a wire rack to cool. Leave the oven on while you prepare the batter.

The Cheesecake

• 10 oz. (about 1 cup) dry-pack frozen whole strawberries (unsweetened) thawed and drained well
• 5 tablespoons cornstarch
• Three 8-ounce packages cream cheese (use only full fat), at room temperature
• 1 1/3 cups sugar
• 1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
• 2 extra large eggs
• 2/3 cup heavy or whipping cream plus 1 tablespoon for brushing
• 1 quart large ripe fresh strawberries

1. Keep that oven on at 35o degrees F.

2. Pulse the thawed strawberries in your food processor until smooth (you need 3/4 cup of strawberry puree). Stir n 1 tablespoon of the cornstarch and set aside. It will thicken slightly as it stands.

3. Put one package of the cream cheese, 1/3 cup of the sugar, and the remaining 4 tablespoons cornstarch in a large bowl. Beat with an electric mixer on low until creamy, about three minutes, scraping the bowl down several times. Blend in the remaining cream cheese, one package at a time, scraping down the bowl after each one. Increase the mixer speed to medium and beat in the remaining 1 cup sugar, then the vanilla. Blend in the eggs, one at a time, beating well after adding each one. Beat in 2/3 cup of the cream just until completely blended. Be careful not to overmix! Gently spoon the batter on top of the crust.

4. Using a teaspoon, drop the strawberry puree in small spoonfuls on top of the batter, pushing it down slightly as you go. Using a thin pointed knife, cut through the batter a few times in a “figure 8″ design, just until red swirls appear (Don’t mix in the puree completely or the whole cake will turn pink and you’ll lose the swirls)

5. Place the cake in a large shallow pan containing hot water that comes about 1 inch up the sides of the springform. Bake until the edges are light golden brown and the top is slightly golden tan with strawberry swirls, about 1 1/4 hours. Remove the cheesecake form the water bath, transfer toa wire rack, and let cool for 2 hours (just walk away–don’t move it). Lave the cake in the pan, cover loosely with plastic wrap, and refrigerate until completely cold, preferably over night or at least four hours.

6. While the cake chills, wash and hull the fresh strawberries and slice them 1/4 inch thick form top to tip, reserving the biggest prettiest berry for the center.

7. To serve, release and remove the sides of the springform, leaving the cake on the bottom of the pan. Place on a cake plate. Brush the top outer rim of the cake with the remaining 1 tablespoon cream (this helps the berries stay put). Arrange the sliced strawberries in a ring on top, with tips pointing outward, angling and overlapping the berries as you go. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Slice the cold cake with a sharp straight-edge knife, not a serrated one.

6. The Sexy Valentine

Curry and Flat Bread

There are a lot of recipes for curry out there and to be honest, I’ve yet to find the perfect one. I’ve made a lot of tasty curries, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t have the-one-the-only to give to you. Do a google search, if you’re feeling sexy. Make sure it’s spicy and make sure it’s sweet (i.e. chilis and coconut milk). The flat bread is just a tasty excuse to eat with your fingers. I think eating with your fingers is pretty dang sexy, but that’s just me. If you find a particularly good curry recipe, please let me know. I cook curry regularly and am always looking for “the one”.

7. The classy valentine

Tuna, Cucumber Salad, and Rice

I love this meal. I love this meal. I love this meal. You want to buy sushi grade tuna, so you can keep it as rare and fleshy as you want. Personally, I dig my tuna  seared and raw as can be, but in the spirit of classy, I won’t push my raw fish agenda onto you. I usually make up a marinade. Soy sauce, sesame oil, sesame seed, garlic, lemon juice, etc. Keep it simple, keep it delicious. Cook the rice according to package directions. Below is my recipe for Asian Cucumber Salad.

• 2 Cups English Cucumber
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 Tablespoon sugar
• 1 Tablespoon soy sauce
• 1/4 cup rice wine vinegar
• 1 tsp sesame oil
• 2 tsp sesame seeds

Cut the cucumber length wise and then again into 1/2 moons. In a large bowl combine the cucumber with salt and mix well. Add everything else. Mix again. Let sit twenty minutes in the fridge.

This meal is prettiest with white rice, pink tuna and green cucumber on top.

8. The Sweetheart Valentine

Pistachio Rosewater Cupcakes

This cupcake is adorable and sweet and lovie dovie and wuvie duvie wuvie duvie…Oh yeah, and their Vegan, too!

From Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World

• 1/2 cup vanilla soy yogurt
• 2/3 cup soy milk or rice milk
• 1/3 cup canola oil
• 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
• 1 to 2 tablespoons rosewater
• 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• Generous pinch cardamom
• 1/3 cup finely chopped pistachios, lightly toasted if desired

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line muffin pan with 12 cupcake liners.

2. In a large mixing bowl, whisk together yogurt, soy milk, oil, sugar, and rosewater. Sift in flour, cornstarch, baking soda, baking powder, cardamom and salt. Mix until relatively smooth. Fold in pistachios. Fill liners three-quarters of the way. Bake 20 to 22 minutes. Transfer to a cooling rack and let cool completely before frosting.

Butter Cream Frosting

• 1/2 cup nonhydrogenated shortening
• 1/2 cup nonhydrogenated margarine (yay Earth Balance)
• 3 1/2 cups confectionaer’s sugar, sifted if clumpy
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1/4 cup plain soy milk or soy creamer

Beat the shortening and margarine together until well combined and fluffy. Add the sugar and beat for about three more minutes. Add the vanilla and soy milk, beat for another five to seven minutes until fluffy.

Rosewater Glaze

• Chopped pistachios, for garnish (about 1/2 cup)
• Pink decorating sugar crystals (about 1 tablespoon)

With a fork, cream together half of the confectioners’ sugar and margarine till mixture resembles fine crumbs. Add in soy milk and rosewater, and beat in remaining confectioners’ sugar (you can use an electric mixer, low-speed, at this stage). Mixture should have consistency of a thick batter with a satiny sheen. Adjust consistency if needed by beating in small amounts of confectioners’ sugar or carefully dribbling in soy milk.

9. The XXX Valentine

Bucatini with Mushrooms

This meal is just so dirty. Simply reading the recipe doesn’t give this meal justice. You have to taste it and smell it. You will blush. You will shift in your seat. You will be amazed to find a taste at once so obscene, yet so good.

From Cooking Light

• 1/2 cup dried porcini mushrooms (about 1/2 oz.)
• 2/3 cup boiling water
• 8 oz. uncooked bucatini (if you can’t find this, substitute fusilli or fettuccine)
• 3 1/2 teaspoons salt, divided
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1/4 cup finely chopped shalots
• 2 (4 oz) packages exotic mushroom blend, coarsely chopped
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 tablespoons dry sherry
• 2 ounces Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese, divided
• 1/4 cup heavy whipping cream
• 1 teaspoon finely chopped fresh sage
• 1/2 teaspoon cracked black pepper
• 1 teaspoon truffle oil
• Sage sprigs

1. Rinse pasta thoroughly. Combine porcini and 2/3 cup boiling water in a  bowl; cover and let stand 30 minutes. Drain in a sieve over a bowl, reserving 1/4 cup soaking liquid. Chop porcini.

2. Cook pasta with 1 tablespoon salt in boiling water 10 minutes or until al dente; drain in a colander over a bowl, reserving 1/4 cup cooking liquid.

3. Melt butter in a  large skillet over medium high heat. Add shalots, mushroom blend and garlic ; saute five minutes, stirring frequently . Stir in porcini, sherry and 1/4 teaspoon salt; cook 1 minute or until liquid evaporates.

4. Finely grate 1 ounce cheese; crumble remaining cheese. Reduce heat to medium. Stir in pasta, 1/4 cup reserved cooking liquid, 1/4 cup reserved porcini soaking liquid, remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/4 grated cheese, cream, chopped sage, and pepper; toss well to combine. Drizzle with oil; toss. Top with crumbled cheese. Garnish with sage sprig.

10. The morning after valentine

Pancakes with rose-water strawberries and butter

If my valentine was going to make me something food related, this is what I would want. It tastes yummy, sure, but what I would really be after was the excuse to stay in bed late.

• 1 1/2 cups self-rising flour
• 2 tablespoons plus 1 cups superfine sugar
• pinch salt
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 1 cup milk
• 1/4 cup melted butter, plus extra for brushing
• 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
• 2 3/3 cups strawberries, halved
• 2 teaspoons rose water
• 1 teaspoon natural vanilla extract
• 3 tablespoons maple syrup
• 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons unmelted butter, softened and whipped

Sift the flour, 2 tablespoons sugar, and pinch of salt into a bowl and make a well in the center. Mix together the eggs, milk, and 1/4 cup melted butter in a pitcher and pour into the well. Whisk to form a smooth batter. Cover and allow to stand for 20 minutes.

Heat a nonstick skillet and brush with the extra melted butter. Add 3 tablespoons of batter into the skillet and swirl gently. Cook over low heat for 1 minute, or until bubbles burst on the surface. Turn the pancake over and cook the other side. Transfer to a plate and keep warm while cooking the remaining batter.

Combine the 1 cup sugar and the cinnamon, and toss each pancake in the mixture. Combine the strawberries, rose water, vanilla, and maple syrup. Serve stacks of the pancakes topped with whipped butter and the strawberry mixture.

The Mother Underground: Another (Mother’s) View

The Mother Underground

In the right hand column of this blog, you will find a widget advocating the Underground Mom movement. (If you do not feel like scrolling about, here is a link to the site: Underground Moms ) According to the website, what fuels the underground mom movement is the desire to “examine the parenting culture we are swimming in, a culture that has brought us baby knee pads, professional baby proofers and prime time specials on child abductions…All together it is a culture that induces unnecessary self-doubt and fear in parents–fear that our children will be harmed, poisoned, slowed down, snatched or bored for even a second.

When I stumbled across the Underground Mom website, Henry was not yet two months old, and yet I (foolishly and not without some hubris) already considered myself in their ranks. I rolled my eyes over the BathPal rubber ducky, who’s thermometer slip offered to assure concerned (and apparently handless) parents  water’s safety. I did not stop watch Henry’s meal time and I did not feel guilty when I put him down so I could take a minute for myself.

If you prefer a turtle to a duck, you can monitor your baby's bath water with this cute little number.

I was so underground! Why listen to Baby Einstein when you could bop to the Pixies? or Jenny Lewis? or Stephin Merritt?

I would never be one of those obnoxiously over-protective, over-involved hover parents our contemporary parenting culture creates–I thought as I affixed the cool underground mom icon to My Inconvenient Body’s sidebar.

“I think parenting’s entering a new phase,” I said to my friend Jessica over margaritas last summer. Henry was taking one of his five (or six) naps of the day. We sat outside on my deck, feet propped, the baby monitor turned low. “I bet this generation of parents is going to be more old school about things, like less toys with batteries and more wooden blocks. Less anal about educational DVDs and how-to parenting manuals.”

Jessica told me about a New Yorker article describing the history of the verb, “parenting.” The concept is relatively new. It started with the advent of “Parenting Magazine,” a magazine largely written by academics and doctors, claiming expertise on issues and experiences parents suffered insecurities about.

“Middle-class mothers and fathers turned out to be a very well-defined consumer group, easily gulled into buying almost anything that might remedy their parental deficiencies,” writes Jill Lepore int he article entitled, Baby Talk.

“See,” I said to my friend, Jess, “our generation is far too savvy for that kind of manipulation.”

Here you can purchase a GPS chip that will allow you to follow your child's every move.

Yes, I thought to myself, I would not be one of those fearful, guilt-ridden mothers, desperate to be told what to do, what to buy, what to fear, etc. I was the new wave mom: relaxed, questioning, sophisticated. I read books instead of recall lists (reference to Underground Moms website, and its witty inspirational posters).

It was Scary, from What they Recalled

Things started to change for me around flu season. The sweeping paranoia regarding the swine flu left me a little rattled. For the first time in my life, I purchased and used (religiously, might I add) hand sanitizer. I suspiciously eyed the smiling old woman greeter at the grocery store as she reached her hand for my baby: “Eh hem,” I’d politely back up. No touchie the baby, I’d think, but feel too wierd to say out loud.

My paranoia abated (it seems along with the rest of the nation’s) quickly. I chose to have Rainer vaccinated and I stopped worrying about it. I resumed my–though somewhat shaken–underground parenting stance. I strapped Henry into shopping carts without his protective seat cover. I asked my husband to feed Henry formula in my occasional absence and stopped pumping. I fed him not-organic bananas.

That’s when my mom said, “Hey, that wasn’t your car seat that was recalled was it?”

“A car seat can be recalled?” It was a rude introduction to the world of recall–to learn that the car seat you’ve depended on is actually, in fact, dangerous.

For you non-parents out there: the current rage for infant car seats is for them to be portable. I’m sure you’ve seen us parents, waddling beneath the weight of the large, cumbersome basket and the precious cargo snug inside.

Recalls can be difficult, for more than just mommies and daddies.

My car seat has been recalled because the handle breaks. IMMEDIATELY CEASE CARRYING SEAT BY THE HANDLE, warns the press release. I shudder, thinking of rock-a-bye baby and that infamous tree branch.

The experience of car seat recall was unsettling, but by the time I received the news, we’d ceased using the handle anyway. It’s possible that my underground parenting morale would have remained unscathed, in fact, if it had not been for the crib recall some weeks later.

Apparently, one of the crib sides detaches from the crib, allowing an infant to suffocate or to be seriously maimed. That’s when I started to read the toy recall lists.

The CPSC website is an at times terrifying, at times amusing, at times stupefying place to spend one’s time. For example, I learned, while perusing this website that even (especially) large companies like Mattel (which equals Fisher Price, Hot Wheels, Barbie, etc.) are guilty of selling lead-painted toys. According to the Center for Disease Control more than 300.000 children in the United States have high enough lead levels to cause irreversible damage.  Children six and under remain the most affected (read more, here).

Another interesting couple of facts: All of the recently recalled toys (regarding lead paint) were made in China. 80% of children’s toys are made in China.

My night at the CPSC website left me biting my nails and examining Henry’s toys. I threw out any hand me down toys with chipped paint, dusted off my hands and thought I was done with it–but fear is a funny thing. Like love, it accumulates and like love it makes you malleable, suggestible, primed.

I Beg Your Pardon, but is that Bottle Poisonous?

The next afternoon (literally), I was listening to “Science Friday” on NPR when Ira Flatow brought up the recent announcement made by the food and drug administration regarding Bisphenol A (or BPA) in plastics. I guess, officially, concern is growing, and unofficially, people are beginning to really worry (read the update here). BPA acts like estrogen, it messes with your DNA, it can cause brain damage, cancer, the plague?!?!?!?! It’s especially terrible for little ones. ESPECIALLY terrible for little baby boys. I called my husband at work in a cold sweat.

Sure we’d been buying BPA free bottles and such, because it seemed like a good thing, but I’d never thought of his toys, our Tupperware, our blenders and the lids on his baby food! Back to the computer. Turns out Tupperware officially does use BPA because it makes a “durable product” (go ahead, they say, they’re microwave safe…) While Fisher Price no longer uses BPA to make bottles or pacifiers, they use it in their toys and high chair trays. (I know, I called)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

What followed was an ugly, a very ugly, very un-underground weekend. We filled a trash bin with a plastic Fisher Price Noah’s Ark, various Tupperware, and any plastic with the recycling code seven (which does not guarantee the presence of BPA only suggests it is possible). When the dust settled, I blinked. I blushed. Yikes.

How could it be so easy to get so afraid? And there are so many things to fear! So many chance tragedies. So many possible poisons and dangers. Sure some of them are irrational, but most of them aren’t. Most of the dangers are real…

But I guess, that’s what you have to get a hold of, if you’re gonna be a new wave, savvy, sophisticated, underground mum. You have to take a deep breath and a step back. You have to think numbers and probabilities. You have to do your best and then relax. You can’t hold on too tight. You have to acknowledge your limits and then celebrate that those limits exist. That there’s only so much you can do and should do….

We’ve mostly recovered from our anti-plastic, anti-lead paint, holy-8&%*-can-I-trust-that-this-bouncer-is-not-going-to-kill-my-kid? blues–but if you’re asking (and buying) I prefer Henry’s toys be BPA, phtalate, lead, dye, and pesticide free…oh yeah, and made in America, too.